Finding Time

J had her six-week birthday yesterday.  Hand-in-hand with this goes a huge growth spurt, which means she likes to feed from around 7pm-2am, angrily headbutting me when the milk is not quite as freely available as she would like.  Regardless of how the rest of the night has gone, I seem to wake the following morning as drained and exhausted as if I'd not slept at all.  Handily, Jamie doesn't start back at University until the end of January, so he's available to keep an eye on the children while I try and catch up on sleep for an hour here or there during the day.  I'm finding it hard to find the time during daylight hours to get out for a walk, and as I'm stuck on the sofa feeding all evening, there's no time for exercise then either.

This evening, I managed exactly 11 minutes of Wii Fit-ing, before she started screeching again.  She does a good line in screeching.

So my activity for today goes something like this:

• Wii Fit - 11 minutes
• Breastfeeding - hours and hours and hours and hours (although not as many hours as yesterday)

I've written elsewhere about our struggles with breastfeeding the first time around.  I was given pethidine during my labour with bigger J and he was born very sleepy - so sleepy that he was not at all interested in latching on and I wasn't shown how to express for him for nearly 24 hours, after which time we were both on a downward spiral into not-latching and supply issues.  There were other issues too, and we limped and struggled on for just over six months of mixed feeding.  He never went more than a day or two without having formula: I just wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be, and had no support network set up for coping with the difficulties we had.

It tore me apart.  I used to spend hours sitting on the sofa, looking through breastfeeding photos on flickr, reading kellymom and various blogs and forums, trying to learn how to boost supply, how to cope with a poor latch, how to deal with the pain, and how to avoid similar problems in the future.  I desperately wanted another baby, just so that I could have another go at getting breastfeeding right.

Over time, I learnt to let it go, stopped reading things that upset me and started to accept that I'd done my very best and it wasn't the end of the world.  And what's more, it wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't work out this time either.

Little J had other plans - she was born onto my stomach (no pethidine this time, I was adamant about that on my birth plan) and after the cord had stopped pulsing and was cut, she was taken very briefly to be checked as she was very mucousy, and then she was dumped back onto my stomach.  While I loved her, she did the whole breast-crawl thing (which was amazing), latched herself on and fed and fed and fed.  She just knows what to do - she has a perfect latch, she feeds for nine minutes exactly (most of the time), and apart from thrush and some scary projectile vomiting which we're learning to deal with, we've had no problems.  She hasn't had a drop of formula, and I'm unimaginably proud of that.

And as she's doing the milk squawk just now, I'll have to leave it at that.  Go us ;)

Cousins

Tuesday, June 5th

With my sister Cate's due date being yesterday, and me just getting over my usual half-term fluey thing, I had planned to drive down to Devon with Jacob today, so I could spend a few days with her, going to see What to Expect When You're Expecting and doing other such pregnant-sister delights.

All of that was scuppered, when my alarm went off at 6am this morning and I saw a text from my sister at 2am, saying "Off to the hospital, will keep you posted...".  At 6.30am, the landline rang and it showed my sister's mobile number - I answered, expecting her to say it was another false alarm and they were back home.  Instead, her lovely voice said "I had a baby!".

She had arrived at the hospital to find herself already at 9.5cm dilated (really, I thought that kind of thing only happened in sitcoms), jumped in the birthing pool, and squeezed out a baby a few short hours later (I'm sure it was more difficult that I'm explaining; it's just that in comparison with my 32.5 hour labour, episiotomy and 2nd degree tear, I'm just slightly jealous).  

So before 6 hours had passed, I'd driven 200 miles (Jacob stayed dry for the whole journey!), settled in to my parents' house, and dashed off to the hospital for some newborn cuddles.  And ahhh, cuddle we did ;)

Anouk Amelie, my precious niece, born 5th June 2012.

 3 generations of females :D

Wednesday, June 6th

On day 2, Jacob got to meet his cousin (he wasn't allowed into the hospital as he wasn't a sibling) and was very taken with her.  When he woke up that morning, I told him "I've got some very exciting news.  Auntie Catey's baby came out of her tummy!" Jacob was very excited and said "I've got some exciting news too Mummy.  I love you!".  Bless him ;)

Jacob meeting his cousin, a little apprehensively, but unfortunately not allowed more time to get to know her due to my Dad refusing to let him settle and get used to her :/

Thursday, June 7th
On Day 3, I spent a few hours reassuring my sister about breastfeeding, having lots of chats, and getting her out of the house for a walk.  And being SO excited about getting to have a newborn of my own before the year is out!

Anouk, mistaking me for her Mama ;) 

She looked so happy when her frantic flailing resulted in the right two fingers getting in there. 

Catey doing the International sign for babywearing - jazz hands.  I helped her get set up using her Close sling, and here Anouk is latched on and feeding, where she stayed during our shopping trip/walk.

Friday, June 8th
We stayed for 4 days then sadly had to make our way home.  Jacob coped admirably with all the change, and carried on using the potty/toilet perfectly, with only one accident when my Dad took him away without seeing if he needed the potty first (and then not telling me that he'd had an accident until all opportunity for changing him had passed), enough said.  We slept in the same bedroom (Jamie couldn't get time off work so wasn't with us), with Jacob on a mattress on the floor and me in the big bed.  He kept waking in the night and saying "Mummy, are you there?" which was the loveliest thing in the world.  He doesn't half make a lot of noise in the night, though!  Lots of sleepless nights resulted for me, especially as I began to feel proper kicks inside, which were properly keeping me awake ;)

I took this photo in the pitch-black middle-of-the-night, you can't quite tell but he was lying completely sideways on his bed, with his head hanging off.

Summer Solstice

J-cub is technically 2 years old today (I'll be delicate and leave you to figure that one out). I can hardly believe that 2 years ago I had absolutely no idea that my life was about to change so massively. And yet I can't remember a time when he wasn't a part of me.

This week I want to talk a bit about breastfeeding, as it's National Breastfeeding Awareness week. I'll try and write some longer posts over the next few days, but I've had a long day at work today and have a stressful day tomorrow so I'll keep this short.

The photo below was taken during our first breastfeed in public. J-cub was just under 4 weeks old, and we went to the Civic Centre to register his birth, then had a long (and far too ambitious, I was in tons of pain) walk round the Marina to a cafe where we stopped for chips. I was very nervous about feeding in public, and spent ages getting him latched on and making sure I was covered up, but barely anyone glanced at us, except for an elderly lady who gave us an encouraging smile.

It was a big breakthrough for my confidence, and I remember excitedly texting my mum afterwards, who was very proud. And it was a lovely day, our first proper trip out as a family, and it felt wonderful.