Monday, October 29, 2012

My heart

Apparently, I'm going to have a baby next week.  That's when my due date is, anyway.  One of my biggest anxieties, is losing my relationship with Jacob.  It's been tested to its very limits in the last few months, as he's fought against the changes going on with me: my lack of energy and desire (and ability) to play with him, not being able to bounce on me, my pain levels and simply not being able to sit on my lap; and the changes in his life: finishing day nursery, starting school, changes in the house to accommodate a baby.

He's had tantrums of the most epic size, complete with screaming, hitting, kicking, stamping, and shouting, the likes of which we never imagined he could produce.  We're still working our way through these, trying to figure out what to do to help him with his feelings, and how to get him to understand that he cannot attack people when something isn't going his way.

All of that aside, he is so excited about his baby coming along, he is so filled with love for us, and wants cuddles, hugs, kisses and to touch our skin all the time.  He often asks me to 'get the baby out' - which means to pull up my top so he can talk to the baby and kiss my bump.

I love him so much, and I'm so scared that the baby is going to come between us.  Everyone says that doesn't happen though, that your love doubles, rather than having to split it between two.  But just in case, I'm trying hard to appreciate every second of these last two weeks, to spend time cuddling and reading stories and just being the two of us.

My cheeky monkey, my boyface, my heart.

1 comment:

Rach said...

Beth I promise you it will be fine. Easier in fact. Already having children and being pregnant is a million times harder than already having children and a newborn.

The age difference between your two will be pretty similar to our gap and it is just lovely. Jacob will gain so much from having a sibling and your little girl will adore him from the word go. Motherhood is much easier and dare I say it enjoyable second time around because you have already learned so many lessons and have more confidence in yourself.

Have fun my lovely it is a fabulous journey and you know where I am if you have a wobble at any point. You'll be amazing!!

Lots of love