Well I seem to have got behind again on blogging, I'm going to keep blaming work. It's tiring. In my second week back, we had an inspection - I don't suppose I can write much about that or they'll hunt me down, make me sign an NDA and I'll never work in education again. Suffice to say, it was stressful. Then pretty much ever since then, we've been caught up in a nasty chest infection (for J-cub), an OU tutorial and DJing stint (for Jamie), and crazy party preparations (for all of us).
Today was the big day ... one year ago I was lying on a hospital bed, the bottom end of which (according to Jamie) resembled a butcher's shop, clutching the softest, reddest, most beautiful person I'd ever seen. For 2 and a half hours, while they stitched me up (ahhh happy memories), I held this little baby, who stared at me with these amazingly knowing eyes. He didn't really open his eyes again for another week, but I'll never forget those few hours.
He was born at 8.34pm, so it has seemed a bit of a sham today to be celebrating so early, when in my head my thoughts have been ticking through "This time a year ago they were giving me the pethidine ... I wish I could go back and tell them not to"/"...I was getting into the birthing pool..."/"I was lying over a gym ball on the floor, screaming at them to get me a FUCKING epidural"/"Ahhhhh bliss...."/"...and push..." etc etc.
Regardless of the validity of his birth time, a birthday is a birthday and we celebrated from the moment he got up (well, from the moment I woke up and it felt like Christmas) and we're still going now(a few glasses of something cold and bubbly to banish the worst of the memories).
We asked for no presents, as he has so much stuff already and we have nowhere to put it. Most people carried on regardless though, and he had some lovely things. We gave him a trike, some wooden toys and jigsaws, and an awesome giraffe guitar, which me and Jamie have spent more time playing with today than J-cub has. We had a nice play with everything before he went down for his morning nap, then we rushed around crazily stuffing toys, balloons, food and drink into our car, to drive 100 yards round the corner to our village hall.
We went slightly overboard on the food, but it looked lovely, and was very well received. Lots of mummies and babies from our local baby group came, as well as my friends and their babies. We had bubbles, and presents, and a ball pit, and cake, and lots of overexcited babies and toddlers, and a few minor accidents, and it was SO much fun. We were absolutely shattered by the time we'd finished clearing up; one of us was asleep in his buggy and stayed asleep for another hour when we got home.
Jacob's first sugar rush
Mostly, I can't believe that this time last year (a few hours ago), I was sure I was going to die, and that I didn't want a baby. And then I had this tiny thing, who was so small and so precious, but so contrary and wouldn't feed and wouldn't wake up ... it was all so hard. But now, he's a little person, who gives the biggest cheesy grin when you call him, and shakes his head when you say "Yes!", and loves to stand on a chair and dance to Kenickie.
At times, during the past year, it's been so hard to keep going. It's not hard any more. I could never have imagined loving someone so much, and feeling like my soul is being torn away every time I have to leave him, and just having so much anticipation for what the next year will bring.
Happy Birthday my Jacob, I love you so much.