Guilt because I haven't done a proper baby memory book for Jacob, or even printed any photos of him and put them in an album for him - there's nothing tangible to provide him (or me) with memories of these precious first years. And this blog assuaged that guilt a little, giving me an easily-accessible record of the little things that are so important.
I've been reading the most perfect blog this week, with the most perfect momma and her beautiful daughters and life, and the guilt has just overflowed. How have I let this lapse? All those moments that have passed without me recording them...
So I typed 'm' into the address bar, to drag this blog up and make amends. And 'ynameis-beth.blogspot.com' didn't appear. Because it's been that long.
When I'd finally coaxed my fingers through typing the whole address, and logged in, I found 3 comments awaiting moderation. Shouldn't I be emailed about that? Settings amended, comments approved, and here I am. Thank you, lovely Emily, for thinking of me and reminding me what I should be doing. Sorry I didn't hear you earlier.
I love your pics of J-Cub. He'll really appreciate them when he's older. I wish I could remember to take photos of Megan. She's growing so fast, I'm not keeping up with her. Must try harder. 200 posts, that IS something momentous, I'm only sorry I didn't say so earlier! :DBy Glovecat on Day 34 - New boots on 11/7/10
You make me laugh. I love you comment about J's modelling hip and the insistence that there is a tangerine there SOMEWHERE. See, I miss your posts so much that I'm guiltily going back over your old posts and commenting, hoping that you'll put up some new ones. It's been 2 months, according to my dashboard! TWO MONTHS! ;DBy Glovecat on Day 36 - Liony bum on 11/7/10
Wah! Now I see that you responded to my stupid comment. I shall have to see if you've "bumped" me up yet (like the pun!)... You have gone strangely quiet, I hope you're doing well and that you are simply enjoying life too much to blog about it! All is well in babyland, though i find it hard to get much done other than what Megan wants me to do... She's lovely though, we're totally besotted! Big hug to you, mama, will you update us and post something soon? xxxBy Glovecat on Day 41 - He's on the phone. on 10/8/10
Message received, loud and clear. I'm sorry. I WILL do better. I'm going to find photos and updates and thingys and quirks to post over the next few days.
But in a few words...
* Going back to work after the summer holidays was shit. That's initially why I stopped writing. It was horrible, I was accused of some stuff I didn't do, and it was all too hard to deal with. I'm still not terribly happy being there, but there's not a lot I can do about it. I'm learning to take each day as it comes, and to be constantly checking my back and covering my ass so it doesn't happen again. They chose the wrong person to fuck with.
* Jacob has taken to nursery like a pig to swine flu ... we've had illness after illness and it's getting ridiculously hard to cope. Poor poppet.
* Jamie's back/neck/arm/shoulder/hand etc are causing lots of gyp and general day-to-day living problems. We are awaiting referrals to physio and testing for arthritis. Gah.
* The cats are very annoying in winter. Because they want to go out, but it's cold and wet, so they want to come in. Then they want to go out. We don't have anywhere for a catflap, so there is lots of anguished miaowing all the time.
* Jacob is amazing, wonderful, funny, growing, lovely, loving, perfect - each and every day. New words, new signs, new little routines and rituals that make him happy. My favourite of today.... him walking very purposefully around the lounge, then stopping, and very, very, slowly casting his eyes at me from under his fringe, just to see if I'm watching. And when I am, bursting into giggles and falling over.
And my baby seems to be no longer a baby ... he's a boy:
'Hiding' in the corner