All that has changed now, and though I'm still suffering with my postnatal depression, I don't have any negative feelings towards J-cub, and only get that desperate feeling when I'm away from him, and want to get back as quickly as possible.
With all that in mind, today was horrible. He woke briefly at 6.10am, but I settled him back to sleep and came downstairs to get ready for work as I had no chance of falling back asleep at that time. I pottered around, eating my breakfast, showering, dressing, making my lunch and prettifying myself. J-cub didn't stir. On Wednesday's, Jamie doesn't work and stays home with him. At 8am, I sneaked into the bedroom, told Jamie the boy was still asleep and I was leaving, and I left. With no cuddles, no playing, no time at all with my baby.
I missed him horribly, all day. It was far worse than all the other days when I get an hour or more with him in the morning, and a half hour drive to nursery with him chatting away in the back of the car. Jamie texted me to say that they'd both woken at 9am (9! Why can't he do that on days when I'm at home?!) and were having a lovely day. And I missed him all the more.
I rushed through the last part of my working day and got home just after 6.30pm. We played some music, had some cuddles, J-cub demonstrated his new flair for the dramatic by doing huge, face-cracking yawns then flinging his hand across his face and giggling with his eyes still closed. He suddenly discovered his tongue and spent 5 minutes poking it at us and blowing bubbles. I took him to bed at 7 and he fell straight asleep.
Half an hour with my baby in the last 24 hours. I feel lost.
I can't wait til tomorrow, and Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Although after a couple of hours of mania tomorrow morning, I'll probably be begging him to go down for his nap.
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An oldie for today's Look Up photo, I think I might even have posted it on here before, but it's lovely and appropriate and has given me a nice half hour looking through the photos, which eases the pain of missing him a bit.
Now I just have to try and stop longing to go and get him up again.