Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Home Alone

Not strictly alone, as I have two cats and a baby to keep me company, but it's Jamie's first day back at work. He's still got more holiday to come, but he has to work the odd day here and there and in between.

It feels strange today, because I actually feel like I'm *whispers* doing a good job of being a mum. I haven't had any struggles or battles today, I haven't felt like shouting or crying or falling asleep. I've done 2 bottles, 2 meals, and 2 naps, I've cleaned the kitchen, tidied the lounge, shampooed the carpet by the door, had a shower, and played lots of games.

It's also the first time I've been home alone to experience J-cub's new napping routine. Before Jamie went off on holiday, J-cub would, if I was lucky, sleep for 35 minutes in the morning, and the same in the afternoon. Since being sick, and obviously being much more active what with all the crawling and trying to walk, he's been sleeping for 2 hours in the morning, and 2 hours in the afternoon. I've been moaning non-stop about this, as whilst it's definitely a good thing, it doesn't seem fair that he should only do it when his Daddy is around.

But lo and behold, so far so good. One hour and 20 minutes this morning, after falling straight asleep without a fight (ahhh my back is so thankful...). The jury's still out about this afternoon nap, he went down 15 minutes ago, again without a fight. It's blissful to have time to get stuff done.

And since I whizzed around like a lunatic this morning, I'm now faced with that rarest of things - a sleeping baby and NOTHING I HAVE TO DO. Jamie's parents and grandad are arriving this evening (hence the frantic tidying), although they're not staying here as we don't have enough room for everyone. They're taking Jamie out for a meal (which I'm more than happy about, someone has to babysit and it'll be nice to have some more peace and quiet) so I'll have several more free hours this evening. I could get something done off my list, or I could do that this evening. I could get back to learning to knit, or I could do that this evening.

It is just nicer than I can express in words, to have the option of doing nothing at all, and not feeling guilty about it, because I've already achieved, and I'll have achieved more (with my list item), before the day is out.

This list is proving more beneficial in unexpected ways every day. Example, yesterday whilst fitting the catch on the cupboard under the sink, I noticed the inside of the cupboard door was dirty, so I cleaned it. Then I noticed the front of the washing machine was dirty, so I cleaned it. Then I noticed there were some cat hairs stuck on the inside of the glass, so I wiped them off, and in doing so, moved the rubber seal and found a very clean and shiny 20p piece. 20p might not sound like much, but that can go in the change jar for a future trip to the CoinStar. And now, rather than thinking "Ugh, it's so dirty everywhere", I can think "Actually, the inside of that cupboard door is well shiny. And that washing machine? No dust there."

It makes me feel a bit less like a pathetic excuse for a human being, and a bit more like I might be getting this being a mum thing cracked.

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