Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Difficulties

Way way back on Day 4, a comment appeared on my blog, written by Glovecat, who has become one of my most regular commenters. She worried: "I'm anxious that you will leave all the big things 'til last though, ha ha! :)".

Sadly, she's turned out to be very prescient. I didn't do it through design, but I wrote the list in a rush as I'd forgotten when the hundred days was going to start, so just walked round the house looking at what needed doing, and writing it down. Some of the list items were quick and easy, and some are much harder. I tried to factor in some fun things, but even some of those have proved impossible.

For example, #88 - Spend a day on my own. How am I supposed to do that? If Jamie is off work and available to look after J-cub, then I kind of want to spend the day with them too. If I had something to do, or somewhere to go, that would be different. But of all the people I know, I can't think of any of them who'd want to see me without wanting to see J-cub. And certainly not for a whole day. I've toyed with the idea of going to the beach, and if it was the middle of summer, I'd be off like a shot with my MP3 player and a stack of new books. But a beach in South Wales in January? Fine for a quick walk, not so much for the sitting and relaxing.

So I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to substitute that one.

And then there are others like #73 - Decorate hallway. That's going to take ages, plus we can't decide on any paint (or indeed narrow it down to any colour) we like. By 'hallway', I mean downstairs hall, stairs, and upstairs landing. So it's by no means an easy feat.

Really, I want to rewrite the remainder of the list, although a) that would feel like cheating and b) I would still be aware of all those things which need doing, so I wouldn't really be accomplishing anything.

The upshot of this post is, really, that I'm struggling. I didn't do anything yesterday (again) and the gap between days elapsed and list items crossed off is widening rather than narrowing.

I don't really know what to do about that. I think maybe I should accept that I will finish, but it's not going to be by the official date of March 10th. But there's part of me which (uncharacteristically) is screaming "No! You can do it!".

I'm going to persevere, I think. But I'm spending a larger and larger part of each day worrying about not having done something off my list, and wondering what I can do, and how I can do it, and all that is taking away from time I should be spending enjoying J-cub.

After all, I've only got 4 weeks until I go back to work (and how the hell am I going to cope with the list then?!). We'll see what happens, anyway, I just wanted to keep you updated.

3 comments:

Jemma said...

Hi Beth! It's me, the non-blogger, non-100-dayer again! I've just taken a look at your list again and it's reminded me how much I like it - and how similar it is to the list of things I should be doing! Just wanted to give you some encouragement - even if you don't finish absolutely everything bang on time, you've still done so much. You were really brave to write out that list - much braver than me!

One thing I've done recently that's still on your list is pack up all my maternity clothes - it was so satisfying! I can shut my drawers again! I can see what clothes I have that fit! And it didn't take toooo long - especially as I did it in stages with a few breaks for tea & biscuits :-) Go on, give it a try!

Also, about the day on your own... why don't you combine it with a couple of other tasks? Pop into town (wherever that is for you!) take those vids to the charity shop, have your hair cut, treat yourself to lunch and sit in the cafe sorting out some photos or planning your baby book... just a thought. :-)

twinkle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the heartful blogger said...

This is what I say - don't be too hard on yourself. Remember you're doing the list for you - not anyone else. And life isn't rigid, especially not with a bubba in tow. Allow yourself flexibility and I agree with the other comments - be proud of what you've achieved. You've already done so much - most of this stuff would take people YEARS to sort out, trust me! You're doing brilliantly.

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